See also my related article: “The Criminalization of Teen Sex,” where children as young as age FOUR are branded sexual deviants!

You Might Be a Sex Offender If…
Derek “The Fallen One” Logue
Created November 11, 2008 — Last Update October 14, 2022


One of the prevailing myths in society is that everyone on registries are all “violent rapists” or “uncontrollable pedophiles with hundreds of victims.” However, landing on a sex offender registry (or even the prospect of landing on the registry) is a very real threat. Over the years, I have collected some very outlandish cases which have either landed someone on the registry or have at least made them potentially subject to placement on the registry. Some are sad, some are ludicrous, others leave you questioning the laws. However, it is important to keep in mind how easily one can be caught up in the registries. Think about that next time you look at a sex offender registry.

Thus, in the tradition of another popular comedy skit, I present to you the following cases as “You might be a sex offender if…:” [Laugh Track NOT Included]

  1. You might be a sex offender if… you ever paid for a prostitute in New York [1] (unless, of course, your name is New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer [2])
  2. You might be a sex offender if… you use a stolen credit card to hire a stripper in New York [3]
  3. You might be a sex offender if… You are a prostitute in Louisiana [4] (though only if you engage in oral or anal sex)
  4. You might be a sex offender if… You had sex with a teenager while you were a teen yourself [5], unless your daddy’s name is Mark Lunsford [6]
  5. You might be a sex offender if… you ever got drunk at a party and videotaped yourself having sex with your teenage girlfriend [7]
  6. You might be a sex offender if… you have ever given your kids too much information when giving “the birds and the bees” speech [8]
  7. You might be a sex offender if… a topless woman has ever talked you into “unwrapping your whopper” in a public park [9]
  8. You might be a sex offender if… anyone has ever accused you of a sex crime in Ohio — thanks to a “civil” registry, you don’t even need a criminal conviction, only a civil conviction, like O.J. [10]
  9. You might be a sex offender if… you ever participated in “slap butt day” in school [11]
  10. You might be a sex offender if… you allow your teenage daughter to have sex or don’t do enough to stop her from getting knocked up [12]
  11. You might be a sex offender if… you touched the knees of another man over 60 years ago [13]
  12. You might be a sex offender if… you have ever taken a picture of your child playing in the bathtub, or if you have bathed a baby in your tub [14]
  13. You might be a sex offender if… you’ve ever simulated sex on the sidewalk [15]
  14. You might be a sex offender if… you had sex with a picnic table [16] (note: why was the person who videotaped this person NOT charged with creating obscene material? Hm…)
  15. You might be a sex offender if… you are a teen and you take pictures of yourself and send it to other teens [17]
  16. You might be a sex offender if… you have oral sex with an intoxicated partner [18]
  17. You might be sex offender if… you look at a child too long in Maine [19]
  18. You might be a sex offender if… you are caught urinating in public [20]
  19. You might be a sex offender if… you grab the arm of a 14 year old girl to chastise her for stepping in front of your moving car [21]
  20. You might be a sex offender if… you flirt with a girl in Egypt [22]
  21. You might be a sex offender if… you had sex with a bicycle, bringing new meaning to the brand name “HUFFY” [23]
  22. You might be a sex offender if… you are a school teacher at a school that forgot to pay for anti-virus software [24] (ironically enough, she’d have faced less time for sleeping with one of her students)
  23. You might be a sex offender if… the local police screw up your arrest records! [25]
  24. You might be a sex offender if… you investigate a sex crime [26]
  25. You might be a sex offender if… You get caught masturbating in public (even if your name ISN’T Peewee Herman) [27]
  26. You might be a sex offender if… You ask a neighbor’s kid to pee in a cup for you so you can pass a drug test! [28]
  27. You might be a sex offender if… You are a man who has sex with your wife in a park in Oregon (though your female companion gets off the hook) [29]
  28. You might be a sex offender if… You leave you “little swimmers” in a co-worker’s water bottle! [30]
  29. You might be a sex offender if… You give someone a “stinkface” with your bare bottom [31]
  30. You might be a sex offender if… You drive a friend across county lines in Ohio to engage in prostitution [32]
  31. You might be a sex offender if… You have sex on the beach (you know, actual sex, not the drink) [33]
  32. You might be a sex offender if… You are the non-custodial parent who refuses to return your child [34]
  33. You might be a sex offender if… You change a baby’s diaper in Arizona [35]
  34. You might be a sex offender if… You save evidence of your child’s sexts to take to the police [36]
  35. You might be a sex offender if… You have sex with an adult prisoner [37]
  36. You might be a sex offender if… You are the non-custodial parent and have an unsupervised visit with your child in Pennsylvania. [38]
  37. You might be a sex offender if…You fondle a woman’s breasts while engaging in consensual sex. [39]
  38. You might be a sex offender if… You have sex with a doll [40]

Thanks to Predator Panic, even seemingly innocuous behavior will raise suspicion with the Nancy-Grace-watching, paranoid soccer moms of today. Below are a few examples:

  1. You might be CONFUSED FOR a sex offender if… You give a kid a cookie! (apparently it’s called “Grooming” [41]
  2. You might be CONFUSED FOR a sex offender if… You leave your lights off and don’t pass out candy at Halloween! [42]
  3. You might be CONFUSED FOR a sex offender if… Some idiot misreads your acquittal papers [43]
  4. You might be CONFUSED FOR a sex offender if… You save a drowning child! [44]
  5. You might be CONFUSED FOR a sex offender if… You are a PEDIATRICIAN! [45]

Below is a list of interesting and unusual defenses to sex crime charges:

  1. Man who blamed cat for downloading CP gets 12.5 years: That is DEAD in cat years. Guess the cat wanted to see some “kitty porn!” [46]
  2. The “Sexsomnia” Defense: Man was acquitted on sexual abuse charges after it was determined the man was sleepwalking at the time of the incident. [47]


  1. New York Penal Code, Article 230 – 230.02 Patronizing a prostitute; definitions. 1. A person patronizes a prostitute when: (a) Pursuant to a prior understanding, he pays a fee to another person as compensation for such person or a third person having engaged in sexual conduct with him; or (b) He pays or agrees to pay a fee to another person pursuant to an understanding that in return therefore such person or a third person will engage in sexual conduct with him; or (c) He solicits or requests another person to engage in sexual conduct with him in return for a fee. 2. As used in this article, “person who is
    patronized” means the person with whom the defendant engaged in sexual conduct or was to have engaged in sexual conduct pursuant to the understanding, or the person who was solicited or requested by the defendant to engage in sexual conduct.
  2. Spitzer won’t be charged in prostitution scandal.” CNN, Nov. 6, 2008. http://www.cnn.
    com/2008/CRIME/11/06/, Retrieved Oct. 10, 2011. Of interesting note, Gov. Spitzer made prostitution registerable offenses in NY state, yet was caught with a prostitute.
  3. David Giacalone. W.A.S. Legal News #1. F/K/A Harvard Blog Archives, Dec. 13, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 10, 2011. “Soucia [of the Schenectady County village of Delanson] told an investigating deputy that he took a Visa credit card from inside the [burgled] house and while at the residence, he used the credit card to hire two strippers from Sheer Pleasure in Schenectady. The investigation report states that the two strippers “performed in front of him for about an hour,” and charged him
    $600 for the service. Since there was a sexual motivation for the crime, Conboy said, Soucia was prosecuted under the “Sex Offender Management and Treatment Act,” which became state law in April. . . . “If you commit a burglary and your goal is because of your own sexual gratification, it’s a sexually motivated felony,” Conboy said. The law in question is the SEX OFFENDER MANAGEMENT TREATMENT ACT (Laws of New York, 2007, Chapter 7, Article 10), which our Division of Criminal Justice says “establishes an Office of Sex Offender
    Management and creates a new crime of a ‘Sexually motivated felony,’ and provides for enhanced terms of post-release supervision for all persons who commit felony sex offenses.” SOMTA’s § 10.03 gives us the following definition: (s) “Sexually motivated” means that the act or acts constituting a designated felony were committed in whole or in substantial part for the purpose of direct sexual gratification of the actor.”
  4. Laura Maggi. “Federal lawsuit challenges sex offender registration for prostitutes.” The Times-Picayune, Feb. 26, 2011., Retrieved Oct.
    11, 2011. “Only in Louisiana can people convicted of selling their bodies be required to register as a sex offender, according to the lawsuit filed by the Center for Constitutional Rights. The plaintiffs include several women from New Orleans and the surrounding areas, as well as transgender women and a man.The registration requirement only affects people prosecuted under the state’s crime against nature by soliciation law, which is used when a person is accused of engaging in oral or anal sex in exchange for money. People accused of prostitution, which includes any sex act, are not required to register.”
  5. Derek Logue, “The Criminalization of Teen Sex.” Once Fallen, 2010. http://www.oncefallen.
  6. Valerie Kalfrin, “Lunsford’s Son Sentenced.” Tampa Bay Online, July 17, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011.
  7. Teens, Sex and the Law: Genarlow Wilson.” NPR, June 12, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “In July 2003, a videotape surfaced showing Wilson, then 17, engaging in consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl at a hotel party hosted by fellow high-schoolers. A jury later found Wilson guilty of aggravated child molestation, which carries a mandatory 10-year sentence and requires placement on Georgia’s sex offender registry. An interesting exception in Georgia law would have given Wilson just one year in prison if he and the girl had engaged in sexual intercourse. Since Wilson’s conviction, that loophole has been closed by state lawmakers.”
  8. Mallory Simon. “Woman prosecuted for giving her children too much information about sex.” Court TV, Nov. 12, 2007. “Amy Smalley thought she was being a good parent when she taught her children about sex.Smalley told her children, ages 11 and 15, about her own sexual experiences, explained how to perform oral sex and even showed them a sex toy she owned. Smalley called it education. Prosecutors called it a crime. Prosecutors in Columbia County, Wis., charged Smalley Feb. 19 with exposing children to harmful descriptions, a felony crime
    that carries a penalty of up to three years in prison. Smalley’s lawyer attempted to get the case thrown out, saying that sex education was protected free speech, but a Columbia County judge disagreed and sent the case to trial. On Thursday, Smalley pleaded guilty and was sentenced to probation and ordered to attend counseling. She agreed to the plea to prevent her children from having to testify…A main point made by Smalley’s attorneys in arguing for the case to be dropped was that the law used to prosecute her was intended to prevent children from being exposed to pornography, and not meant for parents talking about sex with their kids.” See also the Hannity & Colmes transcript, Nov. 13, 2007,
  9. Marcus Baram, “Topless Woman Lured Perverts in Sex Sting.” ABC News, Dec. 8, 2007. “…an off-duty 42-year-old firefighter, was walking in Berliner Park in Columbus, Ohio, in May when he saw a woman sunbathing topless under a tree. He approached her and they started talking and getting comfortable, the woman smiling and resting her foot on his shoulder at one point. Eventually, she asked to see Garrison’s penis; he unzipped his pants and complied. Seconds later, undercover police officers pulled up in a van and arrested Garrison; he was later charged with public indecency, a misdemeanor, based on video footage taken by cops who were targeting men having sex or masturbating in the park. While topless sunbathing is legal in the city’s parks, exposing more than that is against the law.”
  10. Chapter 109:5-4 Civil Sexual Abuse Registry See also Sharon Coolidge, “Ohio law dodges statute of limitations for sex crimes.” USA Today, Oct. 5, 2006., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “People who have never been convicted of a sex offense still could end up on a public registry in Ohio. A law that went into effect in August targets alleged sex offenders who can no longer face charges or be sued because the time allowed for either action — the statute of limitations — has expired. The new law allows prosecutors, the state’s attorney general or alleged victims to seek to put a person on the registry. Whoever makes the request must try to present enough evidence to convince a judge that the crime was more likely than not to have occurred. If a judge, after hearing testimony and reviewing evidence from both sides, determines that the abuse is likely to have taken place, then the alleged offender must register with the Ohio Attorney General’s Internet Civil Registry.”
  11. Dennis Prager. “7th-graders jailed, shackled for butt-slapping?” WorldNetDaily, Aug. 21, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Two boys tore down the hall of Patton Middle School after lunch, swatting the bottoms of girls as they ran – what some kids later said was a common form of greeting. But bottom-slapping is against policy in McMinnville Public Schools. So a teacher’s aide sent the gawky seventh-graders to the office, where the vice principal and a police officer stationed at the school soon interrogated them.” A police officer interrogated them? “After hours of interviews with students,” the Oregonian continues, “the day of the February incident, the officer read the boys their Miranda rights and hauled them off in handcuffs to juvenile jail, where they spent the next five days… One of the boys’ mothers, in tears, told me that these letters profoundly affected the boys, who were made to appear as perverts and sexual predators and who could have been placed on sexual predator lists for the rest of their lives.”
  12. Wendy Koch. “Sex-offender residency laws get second look.” USA Today, Feb. 26, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Janet Allison, 45, a mother of five in Georgia, says she was forced to move from a four-bedroom home in downtown Dahlonega to a two-bedroom mobile home “way off on a dirt road” because she is a convicted sex offender and her former home was within a quarter-mile of a church. Allison’s situation also reflects how residency laws can affect those who aren’t sexual predators. Allison says she was arrested five years ago for allowing the 17-year-old boyfriend of her pregnant daughter, then 15, to move in with them. She was convicted of being a party to child molestation. Allison didn’t go to prison, but three of her children were put in foster care, and she’s not allowed to have contact with her daughter or grandson. “I didn’t touch anyone,” Allison says. “I just thought I was protecting my daughter.”
  13. Brian Doherty. “Megan’s Flaws?” Reason Magazine, June 1997., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Consider California, whose 1996 Megan’s Law requires creating a CD-ROM database of convicted sex offenders, available to the public. (The state has had a registry of sex offenders since 1944.) The Los Angeles Times reports that this new database is turning up many ancient cases of men arrested for consensual gay sex in public or semi-public places, some of them youthful experiments of men who went on to long married lives. One man, arrested in 1944 for touching the knee of another man in a parked car, was surprised when his wife collected the mail containing an envelope, stamped “sex crime” in red ink, telling him he needed to register as a sex offender.”
  14. James Kinkaid, “Is this child pornography?”, Jan. 30, 2000.
    com/2000/01/31/kincaid_3/, Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “This black comedy set in Burbank proves a scary point: At this time there is no way to differentiate — legally — between a family snapshot of a naked child and child pornography. Not that photo labs don’t try. They do, and every now and then they light upon (or concoct) what they take to be a case of child pornography. There are about 10 cases in the last dozen years that have emerged in the press. Some are worthy of mention here, mostly because they weren’t worthy of attention when they occurred: 1. William Kelly was arrested in Maryland in 1987 after dropping off a roll of film that included shots his 10-year-old daughter and younger children had taken of each other nude. 2. David Urban in 1989 took photos of his wife and 15-month-old grandson, both nude, as she was giving him a bath. Kmart turned him in and he was convicted by a Missouri court (later overturned). 3. A gay adult couple in Florida decided to shave their bodies and snap their lovemaking, convincing a Walgreens clerk that one of them was a child. They are suing the Fort
    Lauderdale police.4. More recently, Cynthia Stewart turned in bath-time pictures of her 8-year-old daughter to a Fuji film processing lab in Oberlin, Ohio. The lab contacted the local police, who found the pictures “over the line” and arrested the mother for, among other things, snapping in the same frame with her daughter a showerhead, which the prosecution apparently planned to relate somehow to hints of masturbation. —Even though the number of arrests is not large and the circumstances seem ridiculous, this photo lab idiocy is a serious matter: It puts all of us at risk, and it significantly erodes free speech protection by insisting that a photograph of a child is tantamount to molestation. Since it is what is outside the frame (the intention of the photographer, the reaction of the viewer) that counts legally, we are actually encouraged to fantasize an action in order to determine whether or not this is child pornography.” See also Thomas Korosec, “1-Hour Arrest.” Dallas Observer, Apr. 7, 2003., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “When does a snapshot of a mother breast-feeding her child become kiddie porn? Ask the Richardson police.”
  15. Man simulated sex act on pavement,” BBC News, Nov. 5, 2007.
    uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/south_of_scotland/7079288.stm, Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Selkirk Sheriff Court heard he got into a press-up position on the pavement and started simulating sexual intercourse. Sentence was deferred on Marshall, who takes medication for arthritis. He was put on the sex offenders register.”
  16. Man caught having sex with table gets 6 months.”, June 22, 2008., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Police say on March 13, the tipster dropped off three DVDs which showed Price in the act. On four occasions… Police say that during questioning, Price admitted he had sex with the picnic table. He also confirmed the incidents caught on the DVD and admitted to having sex with the table inside his home. On June 18, 2008, Price pleaded ‘no contest’ to disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency. According the Huron County Department of
    Corrections, he was sentenced to six months in jail.”
  17. Scott Michels. “Teen Charged With Sending Nude Pics of Herself.” ABC News, Oct. 10, 2008., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A 15-year-old Ohio girl faces felony charges and may have to register as a sex offender for allegedly taking nude photos of herself and sending them to her high school classmates. The girl, whose name has not been released, was arrested last week and charged in juvenile court with possessing criminal tools and the illegal use of a minor in nudity-oriented material, said Licking County, Ohio, prosecutor Ken Oswalt.”
  18. Code 288A (I)
  19. Dave Choate. “Bill toughens law on visual sexual aggression against children in Maine.” Seacoast Online, April 6, 2008., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Under the bill, if someone is arrested for viewing children in a public place, it would be a Class D felony if the child is between 12 to 14 years old and a Class C felony if the child is under 12, according to
    Alexander. Hill said she believes the move was necessary to correct what she called a “loophole” in the state’s criminal law statutes.”
  20. See “Lawmaker: Urinating In Public Exposes Flaw In Law.” Boston TV-5, Sept. 30, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A New Hampshire lawmaker said laws against public urination in public exposes a flaw in the law. Strange as it sounds, Democratic Rep. Stephen Shurtleff said making public urination a separate crime could really help people out. Currently, there is no state law specifically addressing public urination; it’s prosecuted under a patchwork of local and state laws, indecent
    exposure among them. Shurtleff said because indecent exposure is a sex offense, multiple convictions could land habitual public urinators on a sex offender registry, a penalty he feels is too severe for the crime.” See also Russell Carter. “Man arrested for urinating on a church.” KFOR-4, Sept. 18, 2010.,0,6389732.story, Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A metro man is facing serious charges after police claim he relieved himself on a church window in Downtown Oklahoma City. Along with urinating on the window police say 50-year-old Roy Dungan continued to expose himself after being approached by an associate pastor who was worried about students in a nearby Sunday school class. “Obviously we don’t want anybody exposed to this type of action or incident and it was a good call by the pastor to contact us,” said Sgt. Jennifer Wardlow with the Oklahoma City Police Department. If Dungan is found guilty of indecent exposure he will have to register as a sex offender.”
  21. Man grabs girl’s arm – now he’s a sex offender.” WorldNetDaily, July 2, 2005., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A man who grabbed a 14-year-old girl’s arm to chastise her after she walked in front of his car, causing him to swerve to avoid hitting her, must register as a “sex offender,” the Appellate Court of Illinois has ruled. Fitzroy Barnaby, a 28-year-old Evanston, Illinois, man was prosecuted for attempted kidnapping and child abduction charges following a November 2002 incident in which he nearly hit the teen with his vehicle. The girl testified Barnaby yelled, “Come here, little girl,” when he jumped out of his car and grabbed her arm. She broke away and called authorities. Barnaby says he was merely trying to lecture her for her carelessness.”
  22. Hundreds of Egyptian boys arrested… for flirting with girls in sexual harassment crackdown.” UK Daily Mail Online, Nov. 21, 2008.–flirting-girls-sexual-harassment-crackdown.html, Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Egyptian authorities have arrested hundreds of teenage boys as part of a crackdown on sexual harassment, it has been revealed. Cairo police said they have arrested more than 400 boys after they were caught ‘flirting with girls’. The boys, who are aged between 15 and 17, were rounded up as part of a crackdown in schools and universities across the capital… The arrests will be seen as a major victory for women’s groups who have long complained that police ignore sexual harassment claims.”
  23. Lester Haines, “Bike bonk bloke lands on sex offenders’ register.” The Register UK, Oct. 26, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A man who was caught in flagrante delicto attempting sexual intercourse with a bicycle has been placed on the sex offenders’ register, the Telegraph reports.”
  24. Ryan Singel, “Proof: Porn Pop-Up Teacher is Innocent, Despite Misdemeanor Plea.” Wired, Nov. 24, 2008., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. Accused of letting impressionable students see pornographic pictures as she browsed the web in her classroom, former Connecticut school teacher Julie Amero dodged felony charges last Friday by agreeing to plead guilty to a single misdemeanor charge and surrendering her state teaching credentials, according to the Hartford Courant.”
  25. Randy McIlwain, “Mom Mistakenly Placed on Sex Offender List.” NBC Dallas/ Ft. Worth, Mar. 26, 2009., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011 [Video]. Dallas mom inexplicably lands on sex registry though she was never charged or convicted of any crime.
  26. Kim Zetter, “‘Sexting’ Hysteria Falsely Brands Educator as Child Pornographer.” Wired, Arp. 3, 2009., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Rumors had been flying at Freedom High School in South Riding, Virginia that students were distributing nude pictures of each other on their cell phones. It’s a phenomenon, known as “sexting,” that’s become increasingly worrisome to educators across the country, and Ting-Yi Oei, a 60-year-old assistant principal at the school, was tasked with checking it out. The investigation was inconclusive, but led to a stunning aftermath: Oei himself was charged with possession of child pornography and related crimes — charges that threatened to brand him a sex offender and land him in prison for up to seven years. Transferred from his school and isolated from colleagues, Oei spent $150,000 and a year of his life defending himself in a Kafkaesque legal nightmare triggered by a determined county prosecutor and nurtured by a growing hysteria over technology-enabled child porn at America’s schools.”
  27. Galston man committed sex act on himself in back of car.” Kilmarnock Standard, July 31, 2009., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A GALSTON man who committed a sex act on himself in the back seat of a car has been placed on the sex offenders’ register for two years.”
  28. Rick Boone, “Family Of Girl Asked To Pee In Cup Speaks Out.” Fox 40 News, Aug. 1, 2010.,0,7871674.story, Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “An outraged grandmother is speaking out after learning her 6-year old granddaughter was asked to urinate in a cup to help a neighbor Janeese Gaines pass a required drug test while on parole. The grandmother Lisa French said, “As soon as I heard from my granddaughters friend mother, I came downstairs and told my daughter and it was on. The mom Jasmine French called police after learning what happen to her little girl. Police arrested the neighbors Gaines and her longtime boyfriend, Vincent Walker. Jasmine French said. “Who knows what else could have went on in there, they could have raped her for all I know. Gaines now faces child molest, and they both face delinquency of a minor. Still the grandmother doesn’t want the charges to stop. Lisa French said, “I want felony charges, I want them both to face sex offender charges.”
  29. Kevin Hays, “Oregon Sex Offender Law Put Into Question.” Salem-News, Aug. 18, 2006., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “For most of us, there are those inevitable memories of our younger more foolish days, fooling around in a parked car. Do it today, and you could have a register for life as a sex offender in Oregon. Fair? Well, three local adults who had consensual sex in a car in Salem, say Oregonians need a wake-up call on the state’s sex crimes laws. All three couples were caught by police in Bush’s Pasture Park in Salem, and were convicted of Public Indecency. In each case, both the men and women have to attend and complete a sex offender treatment program, take polygraphs, and are not to consume alcohol or do drugs. However, only the men have to register as sex offenders, the women do not.”
  30. Matt Coker, “No, Your Honor, I Did Not Jizz in My Female Co-Worker’s Water Bottle.” OC Weekly Blogs, Sept. 15, 2010., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “The USC graduate, mortgage company employee and Fullerton family man, has pleaded not guilty to placing his man juice into the water bottle of a female co-worker on at least two separate occasions. The 31-year-old, who has a wife and young daughter, entered the plea Tuesday and was on his way, as he is out of jail on bail. As the Weekly previously reported, Lallana is charged with two misdemeanor counts each of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, with sentencing allegations for committing a crime for sexual gratification. If convicted, he could get anywhere from three months to three years behind bars and have to register as a sex offender.”
  31. MaryAnn Spoto, 2 N.J. teens labeled sex offenders for life after ‘horseplay’ incident., July 20, 2011., Retrieved Oct. 10, 2011. “Call it bullying or call it horseplay. Either way, a state appellate court panel says roughhousing with a sexual connotation by a pair of 14-year-old Somerset County boys was a crime that requires them to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives. In a decision handed down Monday, the three-judge panel acknowledged the severity of its decision, but said it was bound to uphold the law. ‘We are keenly aware that our decision may have profound
    lifelong ramifications for these two boys as well as others similarly situated,’ Judge Jose Fuentes wrote. One of the boys, whose case went to trial, said he had sat on the faces of a pair of 12-year-old schoolmates with his bare buttocks in November 2008 ’cause I thought it was funny and I was trying to get my friends to laugh,’ he told a family court judge.”
  32. Mark Gokavi. “Woman appeals prostitution case, sex offender label.” Dayton Daily News, July 2, 2015.,
    Retrieved July 7, 2015. “A Kettering woman convicted of promoting prostitution and labeled a sex offender after
    she drove a friend to what turned out to be a prostitution sting was granted judicial release after serving about seven months of an 18-month sentence. But Aimee Hart, 42, is continuing with an appeal of her fourth-degree felony conviction because she doesn’t believe she should have to register as a sex offender, which she did after she was released last month…Tiffany Isaacs, the woman Hart drove and who asked Hart for a condom once she got to the sting location in January 2014, was sentenced for a misdemeanor solicitation charge and later arrested for another prostitution-related offense. Isaacs is not a registered sex offender. ‘She got a misdemeanor and did 60 days and I got a felony 4 and was sentenced to 18 months, which I served seven and then I have to register as a sex offender for the next 15 years of my life … because I gave my friend a ride,’ Hart said.”
  33. AP. “Florida man gets 2.5 years in prison for having sex on the beach.” Orlando Sentinel, July 6, 2015., Retrieved July 7, 2015. “Jose Caballero, 40, and Elissa Alvarez, 21, were convicted in May of two counts of lewd and lascivious behavior in a case that drew international attention for the couple’s brazen act. They were videotaped having sex on a Manatee County beach last summer in broad daylight. Witnesses testified that a 3-year-old girl saw them… Caballero planned to appeal his case. Alvarez, who was recently sentenced to time served, filed an appeal in her case in June. Prosecutors say they were tougher on Caballero because he previously served eight years for cocaine trafficking. Both must now register as sex offenders.”
  34. Editorial Board. “Fix the law: Not every Pa. child offender is a sex offender.” Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Sept. 17 2015., Retrieved Sept. 17, 2015. “The saga began in December when Tex Ortiz, 32, fled with his daughter, whose mother is dead, three days after a court awarded interim custody to the toddler’s maternal grandmother. Ortiz was apprehended 15 days later in Altoona; the child was not harmed. In May, a jury found him guilty of kidnapping and interference with the custody of a child. Ortiz was sentenced on Monday in Common Pleas Court by Judge Donna Jo McDaniel. He was ordered to serve eight to 22 years in prison and told he would have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. That’s because the state’s kidnapping statute, toughened in 2012 in the wake of the Jerry Sandusky abuse scandal, requires lifetime registration in all cases involving a minor. Ortiz, whatever his sins, has not been accused of a sexual offense. To publicly brand him a sexual offender, especially after his sentence is complete, is both cruel and unusual, and likely not what the General Assembly intended.”
  35. Mark Joseph Stern. “If You Change a Baby’s Diaper in Arizona, You Can Now Be Convicted of Child Molestation.”, Sept. 16, 2016. http://www.slate.
    s.html, Retrieved Sept. 19, 2016. “The Arizona Supreme Court issued a stunning and horrifying decision on Tuesday, interpreting a state law to criminalize any contact between an adult and a child’s genitals. According to the court, the law’s sweep encompasses wholly innocent conduct, such as changing a diaper or bathing a baby. As the stinging dissent notes, “parents and other caregivers” in the state are now considered to be “child molesters or sex abusers under Arizona law.” Those convicted under the statute may be imprisoned for five years. How did this happen? A combination of bad legislating and terrible judging. Start with the legislature, which passed laws forbidding any person from “intentionally or knowingly … touching … any part of the genitals, anus or female breast” of a child “under fifteen years of age.” Notice something odd about that? Although the laws call such contact “child molestation” or “sexual abuse,” the statutes themselves do not require the “touching” to be sexual in nature. (No other state’s law excludes this element of improper sexual intent.)”
  36. Tom Cowie. “Man who told police about sexts sent by stepdaughter convicted under child porn laws.”
    Sydney Morning Herald. Oct 9, 2016. “A man who kept sexts sent between his teenage stepdaughter and her boyfriend because he wanted police to act has been convicted of possessing child pornography and placed on the sex offenders register. In a case that could have consequences for parents concerned about sexting, 57-year-old Ashan Ortell was sentenced in the County Court this week after admitting to copying the naked images on to a computer and USB stick…While Ortell’s crime was at the ‘lowest end of this type of offending in terms of moral culpability’, Judge Patrick said the law stated that people may not keep images of a sexual nature of children. ‘There is no suggestion of any exploitation of them by anybody. You made no attempt to conceal the images,’ she said. ‘In fact you were so concerned that you contacted the authorities about the images.'”
  37. See Liz Shepard, “Ex-St. Clair Co. jailer gets 10 months for sex with inmate.” Detroit Free Press, July 6, 2015. Oct. 29, 2016. “A former St. Clair County jail guard will spend the rest of her life on the sex offender registry and at least six months in jail for having a relationship with an inmate. St. Clair County Circuit Judge Daniel Kelly on Monday sentenced Gemma Cowperthwaite, 27, of Fort Gratiot, to 10 months in jail, four months suspended upon payment of fines and court costs. Cowperthwaite pleaded guilty to sexual assault with intent to commit penetration, a 10-year felony, in late May. She had been charged with second-degree criminal sexual conduct, a 15-year felony.” See also Margo Pierce. “Cover Story: Next Comes Burning at the Stake.” Cincinnati City Beat. Aug. 15, 2007., Retrieved Oct. 29, 2016. “Many people who learn a neighbor is a convicted sex offender assume he or she molested a child. The language of the new three-tier system will reinforce that myth. But kids aren’t always involved. Tammy Welton of southwest Ohio is an example. She is a convicted sex offender, but both of the people involved in her crime were adults. “I had sex with an inmate while I worked at a state prison, so I was charged with five counts of sexual battery,” she says. After pleading guilty to two counts, Welton was labeled a “sexually oriented offender.” She was sentenced to six months in prison and three years of probation, including court-mandated group therapy. The judge ordered her to register with police once a year for 10 years. Welton has been on the registry for six years. But as of Jan. 1, 2008, under the new law [Adam Walsh Act], she’ll become a lifer: a Tier III sex offender/child-victim required to register for the rest of her life.
  38. Jo Ciavaglia, “Convictions for custody interference brand Pennsylvania parents as sex offenders.” The
    Intelligencer (PA), July 23, 2017. “
    pennsylvania-parents-as-sex-offenders/article_e3f340a8-ce03-56c4-96c8-c785a369e147.html, Retrieved July 23, 2017. “Shaquana Green and her toddler daughter disappeared during a weekly Saturday afternoon visit in 2012, an incident that Upper Darby police described in court documents as a custody dispute. Fewer than three hours later, the girl was found unharmed near where she was last seen and returned to her legal guardian, who’s her paternal grandmother, according to court records. Green was arrested for violating a court custody order that barred her from unsupervised contact with her child. That event is how the 26-year-old Bethlehem woman, a single mother with no prior criminal record, ended up a Pennsylvania sex offender. It’s a life-crippling label that Green wouldn’t have if she lived in any other state. But when the Pennsylvania Legislature expanded its sex offender law in 2011 in response to federal legislation, it added new crimes, including the one that Green pleaded guilty to in 2013 — interference with child custody. Under the amended law, which became effective in December 2012, conviction of that crime carries a 15-year requirement to register as a Megan’s Law child sex offender. There is no exemption for parental custody interference with no sexual abuse. The result is that at least 34 Pennsylvanians, including one resident in each Bucks and Montgomery counties, whose “primary” offense is the same as Green’s, are on the state’s sex offender registry. This is without any evidence they’ve been accused of a sex crime, according to an extensive records search of 6,000 active sex offender profiles on the state’s Megan’s Law website, court documents, Sex Offender Assessment Board documents obtained under the Pennsylvania Right to Know Act and media accounts of cases.”
  39. Medical graduate put on sex offenders’ register after grabbing Tinder date’s breasts during sex.”
    Telegraph UK. Oct. 11, 2017., Retrieved Oct. 13, 2017. “A medical graduate’s career is in ruins after he was convicted of indecently assaulting a woman he met on Tinder by grabbing her breasts during consensual sex. Philip Queree, 37, was taken to court for repeatedly grabbing the woman’s breasts hard and pulling her hair while the couple had intercourse. Despite consenting to having sex with Queree, the victim told him she did not want her breasts touched and accused him of using ‘excessive force’.”
  40. See “Jury Convicts Man For Vile Act With Elmo Doll.” The Smoking Gun, Oct. 12, 2022. On a similar note, there has been a push in recent years to ban “child-like” sex dolls. A few states, like Florida, have passed such laws. See FL CS/SB 160: Prohibited Acts in Connection with Obscene or Lewd Materials, passed in 2019 at
  41. David Sharrock, “School dinner lady in ‘grooming for sex’ row with education chiefs after giving pupil a
    BISCUIT.” Daily Mail UK, Oct. 9, 2010., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “A dinner lady was warned she could be accused of ‘grooming’ a primary school pupil after she gave him a biscuit. Pat Lavery, a catering supervisor, handed the boy a biscuit after he asked for one. The child and the woman are related. But the following day, she was warned that her action could be interpreted under child protection legislation as ‘grooming’ the child for sexual exploitation. She was so upset that she refused to return to work at St Mary’s Primary School in Co Fermanagh, Northern Ireland, until the row was sorted out.”
  42. C.L.S. “We are all sex offenders now — Happy Halloween.” Classically Liberal, Oct. 28, 2008., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “In South Carolina anyone deemed a sex offender is forbidden to give out candy on Halloween and is required to turn out the porch light — to pretend they aren’t home. In New York an “offender” is forbidden to hand out candy, answer the door, possess candy or wear a costume on Halloween. In Missouri a judge judiciously put a halt to some of the bizarre regulations on sex offenders, such as forbidding them to engage in any Halloween activity with their own children. But they are still required to turn off the lights and pretend they aren’t home. And that pisses me off. I’ve been turning out my porch light and pretending I’m not home for years. And I’m no sex offender, registered or otherwise. So now my problem is what do I do this year? If I turn out the lights, and don’t answer the door, is that the same thing as advertising “sex offender here!!!!”? One can’t ignore the damn holiday without possibly getting accused of being an offender. For years I’ve safely ignored the holiday. Now, what will the neighbors think? Will they assume that the light is off because a sex offender lives here? Or will they just think an old grump who doesn’t care for being annoyed on Halloween is here? I don’t mind the old grump reputation — I’ve earned it. But damn, that sex offender thing upsets me. The only offending thing about my sex life is that there is damn so little of it. And that doesn’t seem to bother other people much — just me.”
  43. Rob Kennedy, “Neighbourly act led to attack on innocent man.” Feb. 16, 2009., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “WHEN Edward Johnson got a letter saying he was in the clear over a sex allegation, it should have been good news. Mr Johnson struggles to read or write and so asked his neighbour to do him a good turn and read it out to him. But his so-called friend, next-door neighbour Paul Armstrong, misinterpreted the letter as meaning Mr Johnson was a sex offender and gave him a severe beating. Not content with fracturing his cheekbone and nose, vigilante Armstrong and his girlfriend, Linzi Minchell, returned one week later and attacked him again for reporting the initial attack to the police.”
  44. Steve Mason, “Sex Offenders R Us.” DaBelly Magazine, 2010., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “My wife and I had just checked out and I went to sit by the pool for a few minutes while she went to the lobby to give her e-mails a final check before we left. It was at that point that this lady deposited her brood and took off…telling the older boy and girl (both around 10) to watch their younger brother who was perhaps five. So naturally the little squirt jumps into the deep end and goes right to the bottom… To the rescue! I was shocked at how much like a wet towel the kid felt when I fetched his inert body up from 10 feet, threw him down onto the lounge and jumped on top…using enough force to start him chocking up water. He was just about breathing normally and the two other kids were just about regaining control of their bodies when the battle axe returns to the scene and confronts ME…who should be on the local news getting a key to the city! I was about to give her what-for when I saw the faces of the kids. All three united in stony silence. Who was this man who suddenly jumped their little brother – their little brother who was behaving like a saint whilst being watched over by his older siblings? I got my wife and, still soaking wet, jumped into the car and took off. I could have stuck around and explained my side of the story to the police but what of the three kids who surely would feign ignorance of my life-saving heroics? In this current climate, combine a few “Expert” witnesses and a jury of assorted “Survivors” and I’d soon be basking in the rosy glow of the Concern Citizens crosses burning on my lawn. No…the odds didn’t look good.”
  45. Paediatrician attacks ‘ignorant’ vandals.” BBC News, Aug. 30, 2000., Retrieved Oct. 13, 2011. “A hospital paediatrician has hit out at vandals who forced her to flee her home after apparently taking her job title to mean she was a paedophile.”
  46. UPI, “Man who blamed cat gets 12.5 years.” UPI, Sept. 9, 2010., Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “Keith Griffin, 49, of Jensen Beach, Fla., pleaded no contest to the 25 felony charges, which involved possession of child pornography images on his computer, after initially telling Martin County sheriff’s deputies in August 2009 that the images were downloaded as a result of his cat jumping on his keyboard while he was away from home, reported Thursday. Circuit Judge Sherwood Bauer sentenced Griffin to 12 1/2 years for each count with the sentences to be served concurrently. He was given credit for 397 days served and added to the state’s sex offender registry.”
  47. ‘Sexsomnia’ defense gets Albany man acquitted of sex abuse.” Democrat Herald, Jan. 19, 2007.http:
    //, Retrieved Oct. 11, 2011. “In Linn County Circuit Court Thursday, a 46-year-old Albany man was found not guilty of sex abuse after claiming the defense of “sexsomnia” – that he was asleep when the alleged crime occurred…An expert for the defense testified that the man had signs of parasomnia, a sleeping disorder in which a person does something while sleeping such as sleepwalk or have sex, known to some as ‘sexsomnia.’ While parasomnia is sometimes cited as a defense for crimes, sexsomnia is rarely used, said Circuit Court Judge John McCormick before he gave the verdict Thursday. The judge said he believed the girl’s testimony but the state did not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the man committed the crimes ‘knowingly’…. In the trial this week, the Albany man was also charged with endangering the welfare of a minor for having sexual contact with his wife while the daughter was nearby. He was found guilty on that count.” So he was acquitted on one count but found guilty for having sex with his wife while the child was “nearby?” I wonder what they mean by that!