Background: The 2012 Shiitake Awards was the 5th year for the event. The show was filmed in Cincinnati.

Video: The video parodied the hoopla over the Mayan Apocalypse (hence called the “Mayan Apocalypse” editon), which people believed was going to cause the end of the world. I was attacked by a zombie (“zombie apocalypse”). The set was my apartment and the Zombie was me with a Cincinnati Beatcats mask covering my face.

Changes from the 2011 Shiitake Awards: The special category for the year was worst individual news outlet. It would also be the last year in which voters would get to vote from a field of every candidate, as future awards shows would only be able to choose from a list of three finalists selected by a Shiitake Committee. The reason for the change was due to the massive number of candidates for the 2012 version, with some categories having well over a dozen nominees.



Chris O’Donnell of Fox 29 Philly
(27% of the Vote)

His fluff piece helped to get a registrant fired from his job as a Vendor at a Phillies game. This is more foul than the balls hit during the game, and O’Donnell’s
article strikes out with us.


  1. Chelsea Hoffman (Huff Post, Gawker): Blowhard reporter for Gawker and Huff Post with a penchant for stat twisting and stubbornness in the face of facts, in addition to upselling the importance of her works [16.22%]
  2. Anna Canzano (KATU Portland OR): she is sounding the alarm over the fact Oregon only lists so-called “high-risk” offenders, something that isn’t news at all, since Oregonians have known for years the registry only lists Tier 3 offenders. D’oh! add that to the news promo practically stolen from the Bill Blathers radio show, you have the makings of a Shiitake winner [16.22%]
  3. Chelsea Schilling (WND): Schilling is barely worth two bits, much less a shilling, when she proclaimed children are “raped, sodomized on Facebook” and Facebook was a “predator’s playground.” [8.11%]
  4. Phil Elmore (WND): Elmore’s inflated statistics is only matched by the size of his mangina, as he reminds us all men are potential predators, including him. Plus his advice was extrapolated from the Cold War era. [5.41%]
  5. Ned Hibbert (Fox 26 Houston): His story on parks being “magnets” for registrants living nearby lacked the “attraction” to readers, but not to us. [5.41%]
  6. Brian Bishop (WCYB 5 Virginia): Bishop should be flogged for harassing a homeless registrant for parking his RV in a Walmart parking lot, despite later admitting the law stated it was legal [5.41%]
  7. Abbie Alford (Fox 23 Tulsa): Abbie’s second appearance in the Shiitakes, this time she heckled a man for FTR in true junior high fashion [5.41%]
  8. Ryan Luby (KETV 7 Omaha): Ran a three-part story on the vigilante troll-site Evil-Unveiled, despite proests from the many victims of the hate group. Watch his future story on the kinder, gentler KKK at 11. [5.41%]
  9. Sharon Silver (Proactive Parenting/ Circle of Moms): This Silver’s reporting is tarnished when she automatically assumes a man asking questions to a group of boys is grooming them and a predator, makes a big scene, then writes about it. [2.7%]
  10. Alan English, Sean Moores, & Kyle Martin: The three Augusta Chronicle Stooges are nyuk-nyuking it up after writing a fluff piece failing to differentiate between general and specific recidivism, then attacking and censoring opposing viewpoints. [2.7%]
  11. John Turchin (South FL Local 10) Take the T off his last name and you get an accurate depiction of a reporter disguising a propaganda ad for the AWA posing as an actual news story. [0%]
  12. Samantha Manning (KFOX-14): Any reporter who professes a law was intentionally confusing when written by a state legislator but then claims registrants are exploiting loopholes and allowing “sexual predators ” to “slip unknowingly into communities” deserves an award. A Shiitake award. [0%]


WINNER! KATU News 2 in Portland, Oregon
(51.43% of the Vote)

Background: There are plenty of bad news outlets out there, but KATU’s “exposés” took the cake. The voice over for their “Sex Offenders Next Door” sounded like Bill Blathers, a parody character created by my asociate Tom Madison. Anna Canzano, at the time a KATU reporter, has boasted of gaining a prestigious award from one of her past sex crime stories. Her husband John would later pop up on the Shiitake Awards, so bullying registrants apparently runs in the Canzano family.


  1. New York Post: The infamous news rag known for their outrageous front page graphics should be equally known for their shoddy reporting, as they reported NYC was facing a “perv storm” of homeles registrants, caused primarily of social ostracism and discrimination. Such as being called “pervs” by the media [25.71%]
  2. Dothan Eagle: Should be called the D’oh!than Eagle after allowing hate speech to be placed in their newspapers, especially when the guest writer is quoting Bible scripture to justify suicide and murder. [17.14%]
  3. Q13 Fox WA: A catchy headline is all it takes sometimes, like assuming everyone on the list is “the worst of the worst” and they are “closer than you might think.” [5.71%]


Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, Loseranna Governor
(33.33% of the Vote)

Making yet another appearance in the Shiitake Awards, Jindal is livid over a federal court decision that struck down a pet project of his– banning former offenders from using social networking sites, vowing to fight all the way to the Supreme Court, as well as a spot on this year’s awards show.



  1. Tony Rackauckas, Orange County California D.A.: Trying to use sex offender park bans to further his political career, while deflecting the victims of police brutality under his watch. Look for a big for state AG in the near future. [22.22%]
  2. Sheriff Alan Norman of Cleveland County, NC: wants to make registrants pay $242 per year so he can feed his Krispy Kreme addiction. Oops, I mean harass the registrants in his community. Considering most registrants are unemployed, I doubt they can buy donuts for themselves, much less for Stormin’ Norman. [13.89%]
  3. Greg Smith, KS Senator: Up for re-election this year, Smith exploits his personal tragedy, a’ la Walsh, into a budding political career. He pushed Kansas into AWA compliance and supporting Caylee’s Law [8.33%]
  4. Indiana Federal Judge Judge Tanya Walton Pratt: Upholds a blanket ban against registrants’ Internet use based on “governmental interest” despite most rulings stating the opposite [8.33%]
  5. Debra Young Maggart, TN Rep: Drafted a civil forfeiture law on the basis that “Sex offenders are usually very clever people. They’re very manipulative people and so they’re always looking for a way for whatever law we put in place” [5.56%]
  6. Paula Stitz, AR registry consultant: Former small town cop fired for ethics violations, then gets promoted to work on Arky’s state registry, like a bad fairy tale. [5.56%] NM Gov. Suzanna Martinez: She’s an ex-prosecutor who “specialized” in sex crimes cases and is fluent in myths and lies, and has tried unsuccessfully to bully her state into AWA compliance.[2.78%]
  7. Colorado Republican Doug Lamborn: He supports the coal industry; he accuses an opponent of “disseminating CP” when the opponent shows a pic of a child bathing in dirty water, despite the pic not being graphic [0%]


John Lenhart, Shelby Co. Ohio Sheriff
(40.5% of the vote)

In justifying compliance checks: “When these people are out of compliance they are hunting your kids and your grandkids to sexually assault them”


  1. “This country is based on vigilantism” — Patrick Drum, violent vigilante “hero” of Pt Angeles Washington who murdered two registrants[21.62%]
  2. “Too often, sex offenders are portrayed sympathetically while the victims are forgotten. What are we telling the victims that are still out there and alive when we keep giving [sex offenders] second and third chances?” — Linda Walker, Surviving Parents’ Coalition, and Dru Sjodin’s mom [13.51%]
  3. “The public has the right to know these people were dangerous, probably still are dangerous, or can be dangerous in the future to young children. Children don’t really have a means to protect themselves. By having a means to access information that is out there about crimes these people commit is paramount to keep their children safe.” — Richard Ferrucci, “Senior Investigator” at the Oneida Co NY District Attorney’s Office [13.51%] “when sex offenders feel they have escaped the eye of local law enforcement, they begin searching for victims. They could spend as much as three to five years gaining the trust of a neighboring family.” — Tiffany Kemp, program director for Shelby County OH Victim Services [8.11%]
  4. “They do not want us to find them and that is part of the problem why they move around so much,” — Det. Cori Steiner of the Shelby County OH Sheriff’s Office [2.7%]
  5. “They play huge games with the system. They know how many days to live in a certain spot before they have to tell Ohio that they’ve moved.” — Bill Taylor, senior inspector for the U.S. Marshals Service. [0%]


Emily Miner, Oswego NY
(55.56% of the Vote)

She circulated a petition to have a 9-year-old-kid kicked out of school, proclaiming him a sexual predator. Here’s a fun fact for you: Since this petition had circulated, she has been arrested both for indecent exposure and for harassment/ menacing.


  1. Laurie Ann Martinez of Folsom, CA: Went all out to falsely accuse a man of rape including getting a friend to punch her in the face. She could use a Shiitake Award for that, it is made of iron. [16.67%]
  2. Savannah Deitrich, KY: A teen who drank at a party and had sex, claimed rape, and created a blog to shame her attackers, all in direct violation of a court order. Well, the Shiitakes also runs a blog exposing people, what a coincidence! [13.89%]
  3. Brian Oei, Trumbull, CT: Puts the bull in Trumbull, as he was caught harassing a registrant via Twitter and posting personal info about his victim online, then ran as he was exposed [8.33%]
  4. Brandon Benhamin Mau, Ft. Collins, CO: This man is a career criminal arrested for kidnapping and attacking a man with a knife, mistaking him for a sex offender. Ever notice how many here physically attacking registrants are people with lengthy records? [5.56%]


WINNER! Carlos Bustamante, Orange Co., CA
(47.22% of the Vote)

Bustamante was charged with 12 felonies and four misdemeanors, including 6 felony counts of false imprisonment, 3 of assault with the intent to commit a sexual offense, and one count each of stalking, attempted sexual battery by restraint, and grand theft by false pretense, and one misdemeanor count each of battery, assault, sexual battery,
and attempted sexual battery with a sentencing enhancement allegation for committing the offenses as a result of sexual compulsion and for the purpose of sexual gratification, according to a District Attorney’s Office news release. He voted yes to the Santa Ana Registrant Park Ban prior to his arrest.


  1. Jose Manuel Santiago, Pennsylvania police officer: Crooked cop claimed an evil spirit caused him to sleep with a 14-yr-old girl [22.22%]
  2. Secret Service Colombian Prostitute Scandal: Considering the current stance on so-called sex trafficking, I would have thought this would have been a bigger story. But there’s nothing to see here. Move along. [19.44%]
  3. James Thomas, AL rep: The 69-year-old Thomas was charged with having sexual contact with a 17-year-old honor student in his office at Wilcox-Central High School in Camden in November 2010. The victim, now a 19-year-old college student, testified that Thomas kissed her and forced her to touch his “private parts.” [11%]

(Worst SO-Related Story)

The Michael Arena Retrial 13 Years Behind Schedule

This man has been in 13 years on the basis of a girl’s rape accusation she later recanted, and the misrepresentation of the accuracy of the Abel Screening Test. A false accusation plus a false test plus 13 years equals a Shiitake nod.


  1. Madison County (AL) Operation Spring Cleaning: “One by one, the cars stopped in front of a house, the deputies spilling out of their cars and taking their positions – two on the left side of the house, four on the right, another in a black SUV that held K-9 Rambo and two others who approached the front door. Some were in the foliage green, Army-like uniforms of the sheriff’s SWAT team, others in the gray uniforms of the sheriff’s reserve volunteers and one, Deputy Johnny Daversa, in the all black K-9 uniform.” My mind envisions the Keystone cops or the jokes about how many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb [10.81%]
  2. Grove mother may go to prison for marrying sex offender, prosecutor said: A Grove woman on probation for having her children with her when she was arrested for public intoxication could be sent to prison after marrying a convicted sex offender — a likely probation violation, a prosecutor said. So you can’t even marry a registrant in Jokelahoma. [10.81%]
  3. Church Mutual Insurance forces churches to weed out registrants for ‘liability’ reasons: Big Insurance companies tried forcing small churches to target registrants and limit or ban them or they will drop the coverage. [8.11%]
  4. Fiction writer Jennifer Chase censors one side of debate after asking if double-murderer Patrick Drum is a “hero” for murdering two registrants. If you don’t like the answers, don’t ask. [8.11%]
  5. West Virginia forces man convicted in 1976 of ADULTERY to register: At least the man is suing the state. The law was abolished in the 1980s, yet this man was forced to register for cheating on his wife. Take me home, to the place, I belong
    West Virginia, take me home (then register) [8.11%]
  6. WA Man freed after 9 years after daughter admits she lied about abuse: Only she was not charged, of course. The girl got her idea from a friend who got her stepdad sent to prison. [8.11%]
  7. Stray bullet wounds Minneapolis police officer during hunt for sex offender: Deputies harass registrant, go to house, get scared by dogs and start shooting, one officer hit by friendly fire, officer gets Shiitake Award nomination [8.11%]
  8. Girl lies about rape, RSO still held on $150,000 bond: So this girl lies, claiming this homeless registrant raped her. Then she took it back and now says he only told her he wanted to fuck her. So he’s being held on a $150,000 bond on the basis of a statement from someone who admitted to lying. [5.41%]
  9. Lance Armstrong blames his doping scandal on a sex offender: I’ve heard excuses for sex crimes, but I’ve never heard a person use a registrant as an excuse to take steroids. The man’s crime? Indecent exposure. That means he was the right man to expose the truth. [5.41%]
  10. Kit-Kat pulls Aussie ad over Pedobear costume scare. Gimme a break! [2.7%]
  11. White van canvasses the neighborhood, searching for lost puppy. Sound the alarm in 3..2..1..”: So some guy in Boston who owns a white van was looking for a puppy. So what was the guy REALLY doing? He was… LOOKING FOR HIS LOST DOG! Moral of the story, if you are a man who loses a dog, let the mutt stay lost. But it was enough of a scare to hit the news media. [2.7%]
  12. Alex Anzalone, Ohio State Buckeyes linebacker prospect finds dumbest excuse EVER to decommit: by freaking out over getting a picture taken with a registrant, unknowingly of course, who attended a free Buckeyes football event. Anzalone should be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. [2.7%]
  13. Neighbors think suspicious van’s driver is on sex offender registry in Chesterfield, VA: Its a story about a “suspicious white van” in a place called CHESTERfield. Oh, geez. The van looks lost, doesn’t approach anyone but sets off the panic button. [0%]
  14. The Great Wall of Des Moines: Des Moines spend a million bucks to build a fence so zoo-goers cannot see a halfway house where a couple of registrants are staying with other low-risk registrants. Does NBC still do those Fleecing of America segments? [0%]
  15. Parents claim V-Tech’s “Catch-Me-Kitty Toy” is saying, “catch me, rape me”. Methinks the parents need a Miracle Ear than can differentiate between race and rape. [0%]
  16. Miami Commission Sues State Over Sex Offenders in Bookville II: Like a bad sequel, this scenario stars Ron Book and homeless Miami Sex Offenders. Longtime Shiitakes voters knew the first show was bad and this was the most unanticipated sequel of the decade, as the city sues the state to keep registrants out of housing in Miami. [0%]
  17. Man can’t see his daughter for reporting CP on the internet (England): A man who informed police when he found child abuse images on his computer has not been allowed to be alone with his daughter for four months. Cheerio and all that rot! The bloody wankers in Jolly ol’ England are a bit tipsy with their sex register as well! [0%]


Missouri HJR 83
(29.74% of the Vote)

Removes sex offenders as a class from Constitutional protections against Ex Post Facto laws

(From what I could see, it never passed)


  1. PA law to take earned pensions from registrants: Last year was the Caylee Anthony Law” this year it is the “Jerry Sandusky” law [16.22%]
  2. California’s Prop 35: will turn consenting adults (like prostitutes and Johns) into sex offenders, then force them to register Internet passwords [13.51%]
  3. Nebraska LB 797: The Kissing Crime — Kissing considered a sex crime [13.51%]
  4. CT to make masturbating in prison a sex offense: Anything to make more registrants huh? [10.81%]
  5. NJ attempts re-issuing residency restrictions: Defeated by the NJ Supreme Court, the legislators, like Jindals, are try-trying again [8.11%]
  6. Kansas SB 39: Residency Restrictions — Here especially because Kansas once passed a moratorium against residency restrictions [5.41%]
  7. Tennessee HB 3398: Civil forfeiture law turns registrants into $ [2.7%]
  8. LA SO Library Ban: Gov. Jindal strikes again [0%]
  9. Oswego, NY city council bans registrants from driving taxis: Obviously influenced by Robert Deniro’s Taxi Driver movie from the 1970s. But didn’t the cabbie save the teen hooker in that film? [0%]
  10. Louisiana HB 839: Banning registrants from driving tow trucks, lest they molest cars too [0%]
  11. Virtual Predator Panic: NY Atty Gen wants to ban RSOs from Online Games [0%]
  12. Illinois HB 4670: Allows registrants to repay the annoual $100 registry fee at the rate of one dollar per hour, far less than minimum wage [0%]
  13. LA Facebook status disclosure law: Jindal’s backdoor law to get registrants off Facebook is rather clever, get facebook to do your dirty work for you [0%]
  14. Senate Bill 3258 IL, Bike trail bans: Bike trails in Harrisburg and Eldorado are now designated as off-limits to persons on the Illinois Sex Offender Registry thanks to a new law, Senate Bill 3258, passed this spring and signed by the governor June 22. [0%]
  15. Illinois SB3579 makes participation in any activities involving children a sex crime [0%]

(Worst State of 2012)

Washington State
(37.84% of the Votes)

The vigilante capital of the US, where a string of vigilantes targeting registrants has run rampant, including the serial killer Patrick Drum.


  1. Louisiana: Bobby Jindal, library and internet bans defying court orders [29.73%]
  2. California: Prop 35, Carlos Bustamante scandal, OC Park Bans [18.92%]
  3. Kansas: AWA compliance, trying to pass residency laws after moratorium was passed [13.51%]

FUN FACT: This is the ONLY year in the first decade of the Shiitake Awards that FloriFUH was not in the running, and the second year in which a different state besides FloriDUH has won the Worst State Award