THE 2013 SHIITAKE AWARDS
Background: The 2013 Shiitake Award is the 6th Awards show aimed at lampooning those who abuse sex offnder panic for personal gain. The video was filmed in Cincinnati.
Video: To celebrate a streamlined Shiitake Awards, this video parodied a Rocky Movie montage as I attempt to slim down, just like my awards show. I got permission to film at a local gym, and also filmed some footage at U. of Cincinnati.
Changes from the 2012 Shiitake Awards: Major changes were made to the creation of the Shiitake Awards. In the past, every nominee was up for voting, but after complaints that there were far too many choices in some categories, a seven-person “selection committee” was created to narrow the total number of nominees to a list of finalists to three in each category. The “Hardest Fall” Category was eliminated; political scandals were added to worst pol categories. There was no special category for the 2013 Shiitakes, so there were only seven total categories.
Because of the changes, there will be a slight difference in the format for the Shiitake Award pages, as we first list the winners, then the finalists, then the dishonorable mentions for those nominated but did not make it to the finals.
2013 SHIITAKE AWARDS WINNERS AND NOMINEES
2013 DUMBEST NEW BILL/ LAW
H.R.2642: Federal Agriculture Reform and Risk Management Act of 2013, Sec. 4037 (57.75% of the vote)
This amendment to the Food Stamp bill was created by the diaper-wearing David Vitter. If it passed as written, it would’ve denied Registered Citizens food stamps for life, and states cannot opt out of the provision; the bill was watered down to apply to only non-compliant registrants
2013 DUMBEST NEW LAW
- Montana SB 113: If passed, this bill would have allowed past allegations, even false allegations, to be used against you in court. This would have violated due process. Thankfully, it died in standing committee [22.54%]
- Miami Ordinance moves to remove homeless Registrants from Pottinger Homeless Protection Act: Miami has petitioned the court to exclude registrants from a 1998 decision which granted protections against police abuse of the homeless and in assistance for finding permanent housing. [19.72%]
- 2013 Ohio HB 130: A bill that would make talking about sex with someone who is age 16 or 17, though the age of consent in Ohio is 16.
- Senate HUD Bill S-1243 Amendment No. 1744: Denies HUD benefits of any kind to registered persons
- North Carolina HB 34: Bill that makes “exposing breasts” a felony; senator suggests duct-taping nipples to avoid prosecution
2013 WORST POLITICO
Sheriff, Bradford Co. FL
Posted red signs in the yards of “sexual predators” in his community, and posed for pictures in an Abu Ghraib-like fashion.
2013 WORST POLITICO
- FL judge Migna Sanchez-Llorens: Judge Sanchez-Lliorens refused to release a man wrongfully incarcerated for 25 years, despite the jury recommendation for immediate release. [33.8%]
- Laura Ahearn, Parents for Megan’s Law: Cites vigilante attack site Evil Unveiled as a relevant source when attacking a critic of her work of harassing registrants in her community [21.2]%
- Missouri Governor Jay Nixon: Vetoed a Romeo and Juliet law that had overwhelming bipartisan support
- Kansas Senator Julia Lynn: She once helped pass a moratorium against residency restrictions because of the research. Now she favors them, forgetting the research.
- US Rep. Chris Smith (NJ): Using backdoor plan to force registrants to renew passports annually instead of once every 10 years like everyone else
- VA Atty Gen candidate Ken Cuccinelli: Wanted to bring back sodomy laws
- AZ Sheriff Joe Arpaio: Sought to bring together a volunteer “posse” to hold compliance checks
- MI Sen. Rick Jones: Shiitake award veteran seeking to force registrants to pay annual fees for the “privilege” of registering
- AL Sen. Kurt Wallace: His third try to pass segregationist anti-clustering laws thankfully failed, but he’s trying to pass the bill next year
- Arky St. Sen. Missy Irvin: Working to ban registrants from parks
2013 WORST NEWS MUTTS
Sally Kestin and Dana Williams, FL Sun Sentinel:
(50.7% of the Vote)
After reading their fearmongering headline “Sexual Predators Unleashed” in the Sun Slantinel, which declared 500 or so registered citizens not civilly committed reoffended over a 14 year period, FloriDUH pols have created a series of stupid bills. This article, of course, was written in response to the Cherish Perrywinkle case.
2013 WORST NEWS MUTTS
- Jeanne Sager, Café Mom writer: Sager suggested that a woman who lost custody of her kid to a (falsely accused) registered citizen should kidnap the child and go into hiding. She ignored the fact that the woman was declared unfit by a judge and that the registrant is most likely innocent of his initial crime. [31.88%]
- Maxine Bernstein, The Oregonian: What better way to unveil the new version of The Oregonian than to declare your state a “per capita” sex offender haven? Especially given your proverbial “haven” is a county the size of Vermont with a population of 7,000 people. Furthermore, she insisted on sticking with the premise of the article after being given the facts by activists [17.39%]
- Lynna Lai, WKYC Cleveland reporter: Ohio Supreme Court declared that any registrant convicted before 2003 are not bound by residency restriction laws. Lai lies to the viewers by claiming this is a legal loophole, then shows the registrant’s neighbors he is living too close to the school for good measure.
- Bill O’Reilly: Called a Colorado legislator a “villain” for opposing Jessica’s Law
2013 DUMBEST QUOTE
Bruce M. Ferg, US Attorney (AZ)
(45.71% of the Vote)
On prosecuting a 10 year old kid as a sex offender: “My opinion is this is the best thing that could’ve happened to the kid…”It is not vague to say, ‘If you do this kind of activity, we don’t care what age you are, you are liable for prosecution.'”
2013 DUMBEST QUOTE
- Lauren Book, victim industry advocate: “In so many instances these individuals should never ever be allowed out for a second chance, they’re ticking time bombs, it’s not a question if they re-offend, it’s a question of when they re-offend.” [28.57%]
- Jefferson Co. AL Randy Christian on registration during a disaster: “We hold them accountable every day of the year and when they come in to register we let them know there will be no excuses, not even a disaster. We take a no excuses approach with those guys. We think that that’s necessary and think it’s the right thing to do. And that’s just the way we’re going to handle it. Listen if they, even if they go to a shelter, we notify the people in the shelter just like we would notify a community when one moves in.” [25.71%]
- Rachel Jeantel, Treyvon Martin’s girlfriend, on George Zimmerman: Yes. Definitely, after I say ‘may be a rapist,’ for every boy, for every man, every — who’s not that kind of way, seeing a grown man following them, would they be creep out? … And people need to understand, he didn’t want that creepy ass cracker going to his father or girlfriend’s house to go get — mind you, his little brother was there. You know — now, mind you, I told you — I told Trayvon it might have been a rapist.”
- FL Senate President Don Gaetz: “Protecting the most vulnerable among us is one of the most basic functions of government… Together these bills will make Florida scorched earth for those who seek to harm our children.”
2013 EVERYDAY ZEROES AWARD (VIGILANTES)
Bubba the Love Sponge
(67.61% of the Vote)
Long time controversial Florida shock jock followed the bad example of fellow Shiitake winner Sheriff Gordan and posted self-made red “predator” signs at the homes of registrants just before Halloween in a publicity stunt
2013 EVERYDAY ZEROES
- Sara Ylen of Michigan: She falsely accused a man for rape over a decade ago, gaining fame and fortune in the process. This year, she was finally arrested for making another false allegation. [22.54%]
- Meg Lanker-Simons: The University of Wyoming Feminist/ Politial Blogger who created a fake account and threatened to rape herself in lame attempt to garner attention for her blog [9.86%]
- Neil O’Brien of Fresno State University: First he attacked “illegal immigrants” on campus then he promoted full disclosure of registrant students.
- Bobby Burgess of Oklahoma: Started a petition drive to shut down a homeless program because they assist registered citizens
2013 HOLY SHIITAKES AWARD (DUMBEST SO-RELATED STORY)
Registrant arrested for having one bullet in his car
(48.57% of the Vote)
Nicholas Elizondo can’t catch a break. First, the guy served time for a crime he most assuredly didn’t commit after being prosecuted by one of the chief proponents of the Satanic Ritual Abuse panic in Bakersfield. Then, the guy has been ridiculed for winning custody of his child after the mother was proven to be an unfit parent. Now, the guy was arrested, and his child taken away, because cops say they found a single bullet in his car.
2013 HOLY SHIITAKES AWARD
- NC Registrant arrested for attending church —- Lincoln County officials say Bandy attended worship services Nov. 24 and last Sunday at New Vision Ministries in Lincolnton. Investigators say Bandy also attended Sunday school. Deputies say that put Bandy within 300 feet of the church’s day care and Sunday school classes for children. He was arrested Wednesday and released on $5,000 bond. [38.57%]
- Kevin Alan Tussy’s Google Glass Facial Recognition App — Aside from teaching people how to circumvent the Google Glass ban on facial scanners, Tussy is using registrants to justify violation the ethics code to sell his face scanners and to try to make millions. [12.86%]
- Nathan For You’s indecent exposure publicity stunt: Taking a risk that could result not only in embarrassment but imprisonment, Nathan Fielder handcuffs himself to a metal frame and gives himself 90 seconds to escape before a robotic claw pulls down his pants in front of a crowd of children, with a police officer standing by to arrest him, thus making him a sex offender for life.
- Belfast Giants Hockey Tram abandons team over registrant owner: Apparently registered persons are not allowed to become a paying owner of a professional sports team
- Swedish “Anti-pedo” site run by registered sex offender: The site he runs targets mostly foreign-born sex offenders
2013 ICBS NATIONAL CHUMPIONSHIP
(DUMBEST/ WORST STATE IN AMERICA)
(54.17% of the Vote)
FloriDUH regained their throne in the wake of the Cherish Perrywinkle case and the subsequent Sun-Slantinel article sounding the alarm about “sexual predators” who they said dodged civil commitment and later reoffended. FloriDUH is already looking to pass a barrage of knee jerk laws. In addition, Miami just removed registrants from a homeless rights protection bill.
2013 WORST STATE RUNNERS-UP
- ALABAMA — Two politicians try each year (failing, thankfully) to pass two bad bills. Kurt Wallace seeks to pass anti-clustering laws, and Steve Hurst wants to pass a mandatory surgical castration bill for all Registrants with victims age 12 or younger. [31.94%]
- NEW YORK — Suffolk County gave registration verification powers to the non-profit group Parents For Megan’s Law and founder Laura Ahearn, at a cost of $1.2 Million a year. [13.89%]