BY TODAY’S STANDARDS, THESE PEOPLE WOULD BE SEX OFFENDERS
An Illustration if the lunacy of applying sex offender laws retroactively
By Derek Logue (with help from CFC Oklahoma and SOSEN members)
December 5, 2010
“No bill of attainder or ex post facto Law shall be passed.” — US Constitution, Article I, Sec. 9, Clause 3
The purpose of this article is to highlight the lunacy of the retroactive application of sex offender laws, particularly the enforcement of the so-called Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. States are currently struggling with the Adam Walsh Act and stories surfaced people who were convicted as far back as the 1960s were forced to register. Laws abolishing Statutes of Limitation for sex crime accusations is adding to the absurdity of retroactive application of sex offender laws. American society also feels inclined to judge other cultures or times by our current state of Predator Panic.
Based upon this asinine formula, the collective minds of Once Fallen, CFC Oklahoma, and SOSEN.org have decided to help our overburdened government by retroactively applying our current Predator Panic standards and our elimination of statutes of limitations to a handful of well-known celebrities, historical figures, and the heads of religious movements. This is, of course, just for fun, so if you get offended, that’s your problem.
We are judging history based upon CURRENT American culture. After all, that’s what Americans do.
Out of all the people I will list here, I will feel the least sorry about picking on Ted Nugent, since Ted Nugent recent went on a rant about “killing pedophiles.” It is ironic coming from a man who admitted on VH1’s “Behind the Music” that he was a “serial pedophile” and two of his relationships (one with his wife and one with “muse” Pele Massa, who was 17 when they started dating) were ended due to Ted’s infidelity while on the road, often with underage women. Courtney Love had even stated she gave Nugent oral sex when she was 12 years old. I guess we know what he meant about young Pele being his “muse.” When TeD Nugent got
“Cat Scratch Fever,” we can safely assume the cat wasn’t old enough to drive, much less drink.
ELVIS “THE PELVIS” PRESLEY
As an aside, I wonder what his nickname would have been if his name was “Enos.” Elvis began dating Priscilla at age 14, and while they allegedly did not consummate the relationship until they were married seven years later, there are numerous (albeit conflicting) reports of his attraction to teenage girls. Some writers have referred to Elvis as a pedophile, and considering how the court of public opinion is never wrong, I have no choice but to add this “Hound Dog” to this list. Besides, if it was up to J. Edgar Hoover, Elvis would really have been doing the “Jail House Rock” in federal prison but never have left the building.
BILL WYMAN OF THE ROLLING STONES
Lets spend the night together: Bill Wyman slept with 14 year old Mandy Smith when he was 48
years old (he later married her). If he was in America today, he’d be breaking stones instead
of rolling them. England has had a lot of “Sympathy for the Devil” and the issue is hardly
raised by anyone, though Mandy now advocates raising the Age of Consent 18, since at 16 we don’t know what we’re doing.
JERRY LEE LEWIS
Great balls of fire! Jerry Lee Lewis’s music career was almost eradicated when he married Myra Gale Brown, his 13-year-old first cousin. His career stalled for nearly a decade but he asked “Would you take another chance on me,” this time as a country music singer, and had a respectable career thereafter.
Look at this guy, he knows he’s guilty, that’s why he has his hands up. Before he became a Reverend and wrote the definitive Christian hymn “Amazing Grace,” John Newton was a slave-trader who routinely raped slaves under his command. Some of those slaves were as young as 10 years old. Even after his conversion to Christianity and took the cloth, he continued to own slaves. Thankfully God saves wretches like him.
Thomas Jefferson’s affair with slave girl Sally Hemmings still intrigues us over 200 years later. Depending on the account, Sally was described between being 14 and 17 years of age at the beginnings of the affair. Adding a shred of credibility to the affair is a recent DNA test that concluded Jefferson likely fathered at least one of Hemmings’s children.
SAINT AUGUSTINE (AND HIS MOTHER, SAINT MONICA)
St. Augustine confesses in his “Confessions” that he was betrothed to a 10-year-old girl, which was set up by his own mother, St. Monica. This makes Monica guilty through conspiracy. Considering St. Augustine’s sexual history, I find it hard to believe he didn’t sleep with the 10-year-old girl at any point before he eventually became celibate. Keep in mind ancient law allowed betrothal (and intercourse) was legal in ancient times, they were all sinners in the eyes of our superior culture, so we must dig these two “saints” up and register them like Florida registers the dead.
MUHAMMAD, FOUNDER OF ISLAM
Yes, we’ve heard it a million times, Muhammad, founder of Islam, was betrothed to a six-year-old girl, and consummated the relationship when she was nine-years-old. There’s a lengthy explanation and rebuttal already available online for those who care enough to read it. So, in all fairness, why stop with Muhammad?
GOD/ THE HOLY TRINITY/ THE HOLY FAMILY
No man is above the law, and that includes the “Man Upstairs.” God is a voyeur, watching us when we’re naked or having sex. According to tradition, The Virgin Mary was between 12-14 when she conceived. Since the Age of Marriage was 13 in Jewish tradition, and Mary was “Betrothed” to Joseph, that would make a 12 year old conception more likely. Since Mary was a willing participant, she must also be registered. Joseph must be registered since he did not report this crime once it was discovered, and was compliant in the cover-up of the crime. Since God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are one and the same, then we have register all three as if they were one.
So there you have it. In light of our obsession with our witch hunt mentality, this is only the tip of the iceberg. How far are we willing to go with this insanity?